You Can Learn To Stay Calm. Try It!
That’s the first thing you need to know: staying calm is a learned thing. Although we arrive in the world with a genetic load that makes us more or less impulsive, it is normal for us to start life letting ourselves be carried away by emotions and passions. The frontal lobe is not yet fully developed.
If we are lucky enough to have favorable conditions for our evolution and development, we will learn that in order to act in a reasonable manner, we need to control our impulses. We are also realizing that if this self-control does not exist, we end up acting erratically and we end up making or saying sentences that, in the end of the story, harm us.
The bad news is that not all of us have had an upbringing that favors self-control ; the good news is that after childhood we can do this education for ourselves. Once we become aware of the problem – in our own past there are many examples of having fallen on the ball by precipitation – we can act to correct this dynamic.
In this case, it is true that we are introducing an aspect of repression over our impulses. Entering the world of culture always requires a quota of relinquishing those appetites and desires that go against socializing with others.
But actually, this self-control serves us. It keeps us from wasting emotional energy uselessly and allows us to be more assertive. Here are 4 tips for learning to stay calm in the toughest times.
To stay calm, cut off the stressful stimulus immediately.
Loss of control happens when a stressful stimulus appears. Under the label “stressful” we can place what frightens and/or threatens us. Also what questions us or opposes our desires.
If you haven’t cultivated self-control, what happens with this type of stimuli is that they put you in a defensive position, which expresses itself in the form of aggression: you scream, gesture violently, use offensive language or project a speech that hurts and what a threat.
You can control these impulses if you can stay still and silent for about 20 seconds. If you feel it’s impossible not to react, simply stand up and stop the situation for a moment by breathing in and out deeply. This “count to ten” is very true. Sometimes the difference between a big hit and a big mistake is precisely those few seconds of disruption.
Put your attention on your own body
It’s important to plan to be very aware of everything that happens to your body. Activate the “chip” every time you feel uncomfortable with something or someone. Stop thinking about this outer reality and instead turn your attention to how you are physiologically reacting. The signals come from your body, it’s what accompanies your state of anxiety, stop it.
Focus on the way you breathe, on your heartbeat. Think about your body temperature and if you feel hot, cool off with water or fresh air. See if you have tense muscles and stretch them. Without realizing it, you are taking the reins of the situation.
To “activate the chip”, record this order in your mind and repeat it constantly: “I want to understand my body’s reactions”. If something appears that overshadows or irritates you, get used to thinking automatically: “I want to understand my body’s reactions”. This phrase will be a door to self-observation and, as a consequence, to self-control.
the exercise, always the exercise
If you are one of those chronic cases (people who blow up almost all the time and for almost anything), you urgently need to introduce an exercise routine into your everyday life. Better if it is a sport, which ends the excess energy.
It is scientifically proven that exercise activates the production of different hormones that control the mood. The expenditure of physical energy also allows you to release that excess emotional tension that keeps you angry or about to explode. In addition, the discipline that the practice of exercises requires is also a way to train the capacity for self-control.
It’s not about competing against other people or setting victory as your goal. The important thing is to enjoy the activity and listen to your body also in a space where you give it freedom, with a faster and more energetic pace.
It had better be something that catches your attention or that you like in some way. But if you’re in that phase where you don’t like anything, simply do your exercises alone at home or replace them with a daily walk, with brisk strides. You’ll soon see how much better you will feel and how much easier it will be to stay calm.
