Some Parents End Up Raising Narcissistic Children
Many parents believe that their child is the most beautiful, the one who gets the best grades, the smartest, the one who does everything well… It’s natural, and in essence we are all special and unique. However, constantly showing children only what they do well, while ignoring their mistakes, can make us raise narcissistic children.
“Not too much and not too little” would be an applicable phrase in this case. There are parents who choose to provide their children with negative reinforcement that damages their self-esteem, making them inadequate and incapable. Others opt for positive reinforcement, where the negative is ignored. Both extremes have very detrimental consequences. Let’s see how little narcissists grow.
The food of little narcissists
Let’s not say it’s wrong to praise children. Of course, it is positive to emphasize what they do well: “you got this exercise right”, “you cleaned the table perfectly”, “you behaved very well”. However, we know that children are not perfect, that they make mistakes and that they do bad things.
The food of little narcissists is usually constant praise and satisfaction of their every whim from their parents. They can even defend them even though they’re not right and blame other people, as long as their children aren’t held responsible for what happened.
It is not good for a child to learn not to assume his responsibilities. She will grow up thinking that mistakes are always someone else’s, that others can bear the consequences of her actions, and she will become frustrated when she realizes that relationships and the world don’t work that way.
If a child grows up thinking he does everything right and others are wrong, he will believe he is perfect. So why make the effort? Why act otherwise? On the contrary, he will continue to demand and point out the mistakes of others in order to impose his tyranny.
Too much praise, along with lack of boundaries and guidelines about what’s not right, can raise narcissistic children over time. Many parents may believe that by not pointing out their children’s mistakes, they are doing them a favor, but in reality they are preventing them from maturing emotionally. Tomorrow they will have a lot of trouble relating properly to people and valuing themselves.
When parents overestimate their children, they put a veil over their eyes that keeps them from being critical of them. If one child pushes the other child and his parent, instead of telling him that he is wrong and needs to apologize, tells him that the other deserved it because he probably did something wrong, his ego will be inflated. But this is not the worst. The child in the future will not be able to recognize their mistakes or accept that they are wrong.
Build good self-esteem without raising narcissistic children
Not constantly praising doesn’t mean we shouldn’t point out what our kids do well and value them. It is possible to build a healthy self-esteem. The key is in balance.
Children have to feel accepted as they are, even if they demonstrate some behaviors that are more acceptable than others. Parents cannot think that if they point out their children’s mistakes, they will be sad and disappointed. From an early age you need to teach them what unconditional love is.
Tell the children that they are loved and that irritation or annoyance doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It is also important to educate them equally, without making comments with which they might feel they are in a superior position in relation to others. In order not to raise narcissistic children, show that we are all the same, but with different characteristics and qualities.
In addition, it is important to teach them that everything has its moment and that everything requires effort, especially when they choose demanding behavior and throw tantrums.
As we’ve seen, little narcissists learn to behave selfishly through a series of conditions and attitudes that have a lot to do with parental guidelines and parenting. Despite this, it is true that the personal characteristics of each child, such as their personality and other variables, also influence a lot.
However, it is important to remember that children are not perfect, however much parents may want to consider them. They also make mistakes and have to learn to own them and be responsible for them. Children whose parents show affection and affection have a higher self-esteem. People with high self-esteem feel good about themselves and believe they are as good as others; narcissists believe they are better than others.
