Limerence, The Magic Of Passion

Maybe that word doesn’t make us feel any sense and isn’t even romantic, but it’s what happens to us every time we experience love. The term limerence tries to explain what emotions and thoughts appear in an involuntary and unconscious way when we fall in love.

Dorothy Tennov was the first psychologist to put a name to what happens to us when “cupid shoots us an arrow” in her book “Love and Limerence: the experience of being in love” ) and that’s what we’ll talk about in this article.

Limerence: the signs of love

Limerence is the initial state that a person goes through when finding love. That is, the way she acts, speaks, and what she feels at that moment is so beautiful that many compare to “being in the clouds”. The idealization of the other, the inexplicable joy, the desire to be with the loved one or the lack of awareness of danger, these are all symptoms of limerence.

This kind of “syndrome” disappears after a few months of the beginning of the relationship, although some people continue like this forever, which ends up becoming an illness. This is because these effects of total surrender, this constant excitement, end up causing a huge repercussion in everyday life.

The difference between limerence and love is simple. Limerence works on its own and does not require any effort to be achieved. All we have to do is get carried away by the promises of love forever.

In the case of a love relationship, this does require something on our part: commitment, some care and especially daily work. That’s why many want to spend their entire lives in a state of “in love” and never move into a serious relationship.

Limerence or “lose your head for love”

Basically this is what happens to us when we fall in love or come into contact with someone who is very attractive to us. The flutter of breathing, the increased rate of heartbeat and the butterflies flying in our stomach are all part of a process that is more than beautiful and that we have all gone through at some point.

Love can lead us to commit many follies, some of them harmless, but others harmful and irreversible. Consider, for example, the story of Romeo and Juliet. Young people would rather die than be apart. Losing your head for love is not making the right decisions or not thinking clearly.

Hormones are stirred up, we sweat all over the place, we say nonsense, or we get flushed. It’s so beautiful to feel like this! But there is a brake on everything, and we cannot allow these feelings to rule us for years.

Limerence can become an obsession in the blink of an eye. It is not stipulated how long this initial enthusiasm lasts, but it is estimated that, at most, it should last a year. What happens after that varies a lot, so it’s worth taking a closer look.

Limerence and unrequited love

Surely you’ve seen movies where the protagonist goes crazy for not getting the acceptance of the person he loves, and then does his best to keep her by his side or force her to fall in love with him. In addition to the fictional plot of the story, there are many cases in which limerence becomes a kind of vice from which it is difficult to escape.

This often happens to those who are unrequited in love. Falling in love with someone married, a friend or an actor can have serious consequences for mental health and lead to an illness that makes it impossible to have a normal life. When passion only occurs in one person, the consequences can be dire. In this case, losing your head for love becomes a scourge and not something beautiful that you could enjoy.

from limerence to love

The first step is then vital to building a long-term relationship. Without passion there would be no couples who loved each other after all. Relationships don’t always arise where the limerence was intense enough, but, in perspective, it’s a beautiful and especially enriching experience.

Love goes beyond the knot in your stomach or the palpitations. It’s sharing, having dreams, giving and receiving, living together and getting to know each other. The blue prince and helpless maidens must be left to the tales. In real life, time, dedication and attention are the necessary ingredients for a happy and complete couple.

Passion is usually blind, deaf and dumb. While love helps us to analyze, to have a different perspective, to think a little more. During limerence, biological and emotional impulses do not allow mental ones to manifest. When the couple is already formed, feelings can be explained easily and communication starts from mutual knowledge.

Of course it’s beautiful to be in love, but it’s even more beautiful to share your life with that special someone. Let’s leave the madness of passion for relationship starts and romance novels. Let’s live a healthy, pure and real love that will accompany us until the end of our days.