How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships happen daily and all over the world, no matter what country, what level of education, or how old people are. Almost without knowing how, we end up falling into a toxic relationship where we see our rights as people being invaded.

Right to choose, to be ourselves, to live with integrity and happiness. Why does it happen? The truth is, when we talk about love, no one has a perfect manual that gives the answer to every question. Falling in love involves letting ourselves be carried away by a series of very intense emotions, where it is very difficult at times to maintain balance and perspective on what is happening.

It is known that the same person can live more than one toxic relationship during their entire life. Does this mean that perhaps some people have the “victim” profile? From people who can be easily manipulated?

The truth is, we can’t be sure about that. No way. Nor do we need to see the toxic person focused exclusively on the “male role” and the victim on the “female role”. The manipulator, a person who coerces, regulates and mistreats, can perfectly be either gender. It is worth taking this into account, even knowing that the number of women who end up being the focus of this type of abuse is much greater than the number of men.

So it’s worth knowing what steps we can take to get out of these toxic relationships. For our sake, for our emotional health.

Why don’t we realize we’re living in a toxic love relationship?

You may know someone in your personal circle who is in a toxic love relationship right now. You know this, but she is not aware of it. Can’t see. And although we try to show her that what she is experiencing is not normal, the person in question refuses to admit it.

Why does it happen? Basically because of this:

• People, in general, think their partner can change. That what is happening is something temporary and, since the person loves the other, sooner or later it will get better. That is, people create an “idealized” view of the partner, which does not correlate with reality.
• The manipulated person sometimes has  very low self-esteem . It may be that, before she started this relationship, she was a strong and self-assured person. But over time, she ended up very “sensitive”, very hurt. So much so that she already understands that this is the way she has to accept living.
• We often fall into blackmail. It may be that the person made us cry yesterday, that they humiliated us, but today they are asking us for forgiveness, in tears, and you cannot ignore this gesture…

• The fear of loneliness, abandonment or rejection. Despite living in a toxic love relationship, we always think that “it” is better than being alone.  This is something that tends to happen very often, even though it may seem surprising.
• Fear of the consequences of leaving the person : there may be a clear fear of how the person the victim is relating to will react. Perhaps there is a violent component to take into account.

Strategies for getting out of a toxic relationship

1. Be aware:  no one can overcome a problem if they don’t first recognize that there is a “barrier” in their life. And it is necessary to bear in mind that love is the main blindfold that covers our eyes. Sometimes a love is so blind and unconditional that it is very difficult to recognize that the person is taking away your air, your integrity.

2. Say No to Fear:  Fear is the main barrier that needs to be crossed. If you don’t have the strength, ask for help. A friend, an acquaintance, a family member who always supports you, or any health or social services professional.

We clearly know that each couple is their own particular universe. Your partner may not be violent, but you are still afraid to think about what will become of you when you are alone. But sometimes,  loneliness is so much better than being in a relationship like that.

3. Invest all energies in yourself. You spent a lot of time depending on someone else. You acted like a small satellite orbiting around a planet that didn’t benefit you at all. It’s time to move, to find your own horizon and start dreaming, dreams that are yours, your own, and that we all deserve.

Getting out of a toxic relationship is possible, it requires courage and good self-esteem. But we are all capable of achieving this. This is within reach of our hands and it is the opportunity to turn the doorknob that will lead us to new happiness.

 Images : Viaska, John Cotmann.