Getting Over Someone After A Breakup

Not being able to get over someone after a breakup doesn’t mean lying in bed depressed, crying nonstop. You’ve probably taken over your life, and so has your ex. You keep working and participating in events. In general, you go about your routine normally. Maybe you’ve even had other relationships, and although everything seems to be fine, his memory remains.

You can’t forget it. You crave your company even though the two of you may have new partners. His name comes to mind in the deepest silences. Perhaps it is at night that you feel his absence most, despite knowing that they will never be together again. That’s because you keep the memory of the things you used to do together. Also, you miss the good times you shared, even when the memory of the bad times still makes you uncomfortable.

Worst of all, you can’t share this feeling with your friends, as they can’t stand to hear about it anymore. Also, they hate your ex. So how do you get over someone you loved so much?

Getting over someone after a breakup: haunted by a love from the past

Many love stories pass through the therapy offices. Life goes on and as people express their emotions it is inevitable that they will reveal their conflicts. In matters of love, they express the noblest sentiments and the sordidest passions. There are many reasons why a person can still be attached to their ex.

It’s not exactly about love: that’s clear. This is because being in love is not the same as being attached, linked, tied up, imprisoned or imprisoned, among other types of attachment.

A person who requests this type of query is often desperate. Many of them say it’s because they don’t know how to forget the other. The question is: “who can live with a ghost that is everywhere all the time?”.

Some people resort to a session to get rid of the mental rumination that often haunts them. Others seek psychological help in search of a formula to try to get their former partners back. These have already resorted to fortune tellers and seers. Perhaps they even lit candles and practiced all sorts of esoteric methods to bring someone back. Of course, all to no avail.

A person who cannot get over someone after a breakup and goes to therapy to try to get him back is doomed to failure. Obviously, it’s impossible to be logical when it comes to human vicissitudes. The idealization of a lost person is among the many things that make separation difficult.

This is because people tend to forget about the negative things that led to the breakup. In other words, they seem to remember only the good times they spent together. In addition, they exalt their virtues until transforming their ex-partner into a perfect being. Unfortunately, over time, these ideals gain strength and make it unbearable not to be with that person.

Ambivalence

• There are ex-partners who, in order to continue with the relationship, induce a certain degree of dependence in the other through guilt.

• There are also  indecisive and ambivalent people who generate expectations in the person they have parted from, despite being in a new relationship.
• Others simply cannot move on because they experience melancholy. They just can’t handle the separation over time.
• Others try to be happy and quickly get involved in compulsive dating, sporadic romance and aesthetic changes. However, they end up crying for lost love a year later.

Above all, you must take into account that no one loves another person completely, but fractions that, by values, beliefs, tastes, etc., create an involvement.

How do you keep thinking about him after everything that happened?

The bond that binds is irrational. In other words, it doesn’t make sense. Although separation was one of their most coherent decisions, the person remains lost in their thoughts, to the point where they cannot talk about their feelings. At least not in your environment. That’s because people who love you often remind you of how bad your ex made you feel and how much you suffered in that relationship. However, you resist listening to them.

As you can see, friends and family trigger your memory, but you prefer to be silent, or worse, get angry and defend yourself by adopting a confrontational stance. So you look for new friendships to ease the tensions coming from your memories, preventing yourself from forgetting.

Your ex’s ghost appears repeatedly until it is present at almost every moment. As a result, you focus your attention on him and your world of activities becomes limited. Also, your intrusive thoughts become exhausting.

Anxiety

The person who cannot get over someone after a breakup is stressed, anguished and full of anxiety. Your thoughts are repetitive and lead to destructive behaviors such as binge smoking or panic or anxiety disorders. All of this lowers your self-esteem.

Obsessive focus on the ex keeps the person from forgetting you. It also prevents you from laying eyes on someone else and starting a new relationship. There is no one else in the world but the one she lost.

Sometimes,  this person can start stalking another person, whether by WhatsApp, calls, emails or even in person. She becomes a kind of detective who investigates everything the other does and even develops hypotheses about their behavior and feelings.

This is a very unpleasant situation for both the stalker and the stalked person. This is because one is attached to the other, while the other wants to be free and have its own space.

How to get over someone after a breakup?

Once the other person’s ghost is established in your daily life, it is already a part of it. So it’s quite tricky to get him out of your thoughts. It is not so much about her anymore, but about the way of acting that you have established, in which you continually research and investigate it.

One of the ways to make this emotional backpack lighter is to understand and, if possible, accept the sick game you play with the person who left you, especially if they are part of it and have not yet set boundaries.

You must know if this person is creating any kind of expectations. Is she making you believe you have a chance? For example, is she saying “maybe” instead of “no”? It is very likely that, because of her sadness and pleading, she will come back to you if you promise to change anything. Be aware that this only creates confusion and further complicates the game.

Whatever the case, what you should avoid is more of the same, interactions that keep you in a stagnant game and don’t trigger change. The person who remains must put an end to his persecution in order to free the other. It’s the only way to break free.

Conclusion

To be able to get over someone after a breakup, you need to learn to endure sadness, loss, and loneliness. This will not only increase your self-confidence and empower you, it will also make you feel stronger. So your actions will be more consistent.

In any case, there are no definite formulas when it comes to love. While some features are universal and appear in most people, the solutions are particular. You may not know why you fell in love or why the person left you, but you can make rational hypotheses that will help you explain and survive this situation.