The Art Of ‘good Love’ Boosts Your Self-esteem

The art of loving well does not seek to please the ego. It is a psychic tendon that gives us encouragement, support and respect. Wise love is not blind, because the two people look at each other in a mature and conscious way, wanting the other to “fly high”, without losing their wings and without damaging their self-esteem.

They say that love is an art, that it hides mysteries and has many faces, where we find the erotic, the divine and the profane. We could certainly get carried away by all this cultural legacy that surrounds us, which often gives us an unrealistic picture of the subject. Because love is not an art based on contemplation, but on the creation, effort and commitment of the brave.

Let poets, cinema and literature build their own image of love. Because in this vast ocean no one is a captain, in this inhospitable emotional continent we are all simple explorers. For example, we know that love sometimes hurts, and although pain should be prohibited, we experience it at one time or another.

We don’t always find happiness in love, and along this path we end up losing our dignity and even allowing our self-esteem to wear down like an old cloak, faded and fragile from use or abuse. It is necessary to focus on love through a wiser, more wholesome and healthier perspective.

Here are some suggestions:

The insatiable and hungry seekers of love

Some people have the need and desire to eat apples. They plant a tree and soon reap its fruit. The pleasure is endless, and for several weeks they enjoy the taste of this fruit. For a while they still enjoy eating without working. However, when the new season arrives, the beautiful apple tree surprisingly does not bloom and bear no fruit; began to wither.

In affective relationships it happens the same way. Insatiable seekers find and enjoy love. However, they forget to nurture the roots of this unique yet delicate bond.  They are people who undermine the other’s self-esteem, are disloyal and do not value commitment. They are emotional bums looking for relationships with an expiration date.

On the other hand, there are people hungry for love who only look for the other to fill the emptiness of their loneliness. They understand love as a synonym for comfort. Above all, they seek seamstresses who are able to sew their broken hearts with the thread of love. It’s not the most correct; because the art of loving well is not enjoyed by mercilessly destroying the self-esteem of the loved one.

As Erich Fromm said, if love were just a feeling or an emotion, the promise to love forever would make no sense, because feelings come and go. Love is, above all, an act of dignity with the partner and with ourselves.

We cannot focus on love “as a quest” to allay needs, fears and loneliness, we must see it as an encounter. After this unpremeditated realization comes commitment, courage and genuine promise.

The ‘good love’ that encourages self-esteem

We have often said that a happy, mature and conscientious couple is one who can “be one, being two at the same time”. It’s definitely an ideal that we all want to achieve, but… how can we achieve this? In love there are no magic formulas, but there is a wise piece of advice that can help all of us: before we are two people united by the same project, we need to be ourselves in it.

We must love ourselves without fear or compromise, appreciate our individuality, but never fall into the depths of the ego. Only then will we be able to protect our self-esteem and, in turn, increase the loved one’s self-esteem.

Then, we propose some reflections on some basic strategies that will help us to achieve this goal.

Keys to the development of self-esteem and respect between the couple

Healthy love always starts in your own home. Imagine for a moment how difficult it must be to love someone who hates himself. Also imagine what it’s like to live with a person who just tries to please you 24 hours a day: a person who, when you need to breathe, offers you air, who when you get hurt, wants to bleed for you.

• The delicate nuances of a relationship hide the roots of our very being. All of our needs, gaps, and uncertainties remain ingrained within the relationship to the point that they amplify beyond it.

• We need to be able to combine self-love with mutual love. One thing doesn’t exclude the other, because being a couple is having a heart and a breath. When one side of the heart is tired, the strength of the other half sustains it: it gives it energy, courage and love. On the other hand, this half knows that they are worthy of this support because they love themselves.

It is not necessary to lose individuality for love to be born and strengthen each day; you don’t have to give yourself up to honor your partner. To love is to reaffirm your commitment to the other, allowing yourself to be a distinct person and partner within the same project.