The “conscious” Love And Emotional Maturity

All our lives we’ve been sold so-called  “romantic love”  almost constantly. We read about it in several books, we surrender to it in a thousand and one movies, in hundreds of television series, and even through fashion and advertising.

Could we then say that “romantic love” is a kind of fraud?  Maybe not so much, or maybe yes… Despite that, we could define it more as an “unconscious love”, since, in a way, it is nothing more than an idealization of affective relationships. That’s where we establish a very intense attachment and a mutual dependency that almost never ends well.

It is not good to idealize love, nor to fantasize about what our ideal match should be. Possibly, we will never be able to find it if we live up to that perfect standard that we dream for ourselves. Sometimes it is said that  “true love doesn’t come suddenly to someone, it starts from within us”.

In other words,  the perfect relationship must be built in a “conscious” way,  with effort, dedication and emotional maturity.

The “conscious” love that fears loneliness

Let’s talk about “conscious” love. If you’ve never heard this expression, it’s worth delving into it through some brushstrokes that will immediately stage how these affective relationships that we want to describe to you are:

– Couples who love each other in a “conscious” way  do not see themselves as halves of each other, as the half of the orange with which they need to unite to be one person. Absolutely. They are complete people, who do not fear loneliness, they are whole oranges who freely offer their fullness and emotional maturity to their partner, to be mutually happy.

– People who establish  “unconscious” relationships are generally immature. They look to others to fill their emotional voids, to find a balance in their problems, and to establish, in turn, a kind of often toxic attachment. For this, they have no doubts about manipulation, they establish subtle blackmail, because, above all, they fear being alone again in this immaturity with which they have not yet been able to learn to deal.

– However, people who see themselves as complete and who are lucky enough to find, in turn, equally mature pairs emotionally, are able to create this “conscious” love, where everything flows with normality. There are no demands, no gaps to be filled, there is just mutual trust and understanding where, daily, true love will be built. Not an ideal. The real thing.

How to establish a conscious relationship

Is it possible to establish affective bonds that really work?  Of course, yes. Establishing a relationship based on conscious love, in the first place, should not start from a need to fill an emotional void, as it is not a matter of looking, because the moment we use that word, we evidence a lack, a need.

It is a matter of waiting, of letting ourselves be taken along the path where we are most important in the first place. Enjoy yourself, your experiences, your daily life, where you can learn everything, where you can enrich yourself as a person to mature from within.  Love will come when it has to appear, but don’t strive to create an ideal in the search for the perfect person.

To better understand, take note of the following advice:

1.  The best thing is that you don’t try to find the perfect person. Start with yourself, create  the person you want to be first. 

2.  Build your emotional balance,  boost your self-esteem, defend your values.

3.  It is important that you learn to be alone; understand that loneliness is neither harmful nor dangerous. Don’t strive to be with anyone just because you’re afraid.

4. Never lose your imagination and innocence  when starting new relationships. Don’t be afraid to make the same mistakes as in the past; you’ve learned a lot from these mistakes and you know very well what you need now.

5. We know that, in a way, we have an ideal of how we want our perfect match to be. It’s something no one can avoid. However, if it’s that clear,  be yourself the person you want to have by your side… After all, the right person will reflect on you.

6. Finally, always bear in mind one aspect:  you deserve to be loved fully. Never doubt it.

Image credits : Benjamin Lacombe