Treating The Other As You Would Like To Be Treated Is Not Always Appropriate

Treating others as you would like to be treated is a moral principle shared by many people and schools of thought. Philosophers, religious leaders and important personalities promote this precept that must guide human relationships. However, while we all know and have this golden rule in mind, applying it doesn’t always benefit social interactions.

It happens to all of us at some point: our best intentions are misinterpreted by the other person, or may even harm their interests. It seems unfair that sincere concern for another person’s well-being could result in an attempt on that person. However, perhaps we are approaching this help from the wrong perspective: ours.

Is it okay to treat the other as you would like to be treated?

Treating the other as you would like to be treated can undoubtedly be a good premise. This indicates, of course, good intentions on the part of those who carry it out. Furthermore, by following this advice, we will be more aware of how we behave towards others.

Thus,  we are likely to be sincere, understanding, supportive and kind. This moral rule can motivate us to do a friend or acquaintance a favor when we don’t feel like it, or it can make us think twice about criticizing someone.

Not all of us want or expect the same

However, when we forget the generalities and move to a more practical and concrete plan, it doesn’t always work so well. Imagine, for example, that it’s a good friend’s birthday and you’ve bought him a watch on which you’ve spent a significant amount of money. When you hand over the gift and see her disappointed face, you may feel confused and even angry.

Perhaps what you haven’t considered is that this person might like a more intimate and personal gift, handcrafted and with an emotional meaning. Or perhaps she expected a shared experience rather than a material object.

The same can happen in any area of ​​life. If you are a parent, it may be that when you see your child facing a complicated or stressful situation, you try to relativize the situation to help him, showing that the chance of the worst happening is small and that the consequences would not be so disastrous. Although you, in your personality, welcome and respond well to this kind of support, your child may feel that what you really want is to let go of the problem and so stop worrying.

Likewise, after an argument with your partner in which you have acknowledged your share of guilt, you may decide to call or visit to talk. However, that person may be upset, angry and refuse to have this conversation. What’s happening? While for you your behavior is a demonstration of good faith, for the other it was too early; he needed time alone to control his anger.

Take the needs of others into account

In summary, we can say that treating the other as we would like to be treated is a good premise. However, it is important to make a caveat: you would like your personality and your specific needs to be taken into account, and that is exactly what you have to offer the other person.

Take into account the other person’s tastes, preferences, needs and desires. Give her your ability to step out of her own skin and try to understand your points of view. Think not so much about what you would like, but about what the other expects and needs, because we are not all the same.

Even if you like people to be totally direct and honest with you, maybe the human being in front of you prefers and needs tact, understanding and kindness. Perhaps he prefers to be alone after an argument, but if you know the other person needs company, presence and dialogue, give it to him.

Human relationships are complex and it is not easy to reconcile our desires and thoughts with those around us. However, if you want to know how to treat someone else, get out of your skin and into theirs. Treat the other as the other would like to be treated.