Where Does The Pain That Sometimes Accompanies Love Originates?
To love is to bear, to love is to bear, love sometimes implies suffering, to love is to give without measure… All this is what we have been told since childhood about what love is, together with a series of pressures that sometimes make us feel find ourselves in a desperate search for a partner so that we are not alone. In all of this there is something they haven’t told us, perhaps because no one believes it: loving without pain is possible. More than that, this is true love.
Sometimes, this rush to have a partner makes us not consciously choose, in fact, it can make us not even choose them: our partner will be the first person we meet on the street and accept that role. Furthermore, if we have low self-esteem and don’t give ourselves the value we deserve, this disastrous attitude is even more likely. Having a partner is not everything, it is not synonymous with happiness. Sometimes this becomes a real ordeal that is very difficult to bear.
I don’t know if you’ve ever asked yourself this question, maybe so. But you’re wrong if you think you’ve got bad luck, that only the worst people get close to you, or that no one will ever love you. The reason you always find yourself with the same person profile is because you choose them or at least allow them from the start. Think carefully. Have you ever rejected someone you liked a lot?
Maybe you have very low self-esteem, maybe you’re content with the first person who pays attention to you. Anyway, you can interpret the fact that they hurt you in another way, thinking about how you are hurting yourself. Why don’t you give yourself the value you deserve? Why do you put on a blindfold when someone tells you how much they like you and says nice words to you?
We would have to review this caption and actually write it as: “Why do I always get hurt?” or “Why do I always let others hurt me?”
Of course, you have experience with those words that are forgotten and are not consistent with the actions that follow. Words that deceive, that make you forget about reality and dive into a dream where this is the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with, the one who will make you very happy… You’ll give everything for her, you’ll fight hard for it relationship. But, who said that love is a constant struggle?
Giving everything to a relationship, while the other person, if at all, gives 25%, will make you doubt in time how he feels about you. You will wear yourself out, you will stop thinking about yourself, you will no longer take care of yourself, nor will you put on the clothes you love anymore, unless you are with that person. You will always be focused on her, to please her, to satisfy her… Do you still wonder why they always end up hurting you?
Love without pain is possible if you stop understanding this relationship as logical or necessary. If you stop thinking that love is and it comes down to pain, effort, struggle, resistance, giving everything for the other person… Because to love without pain, first you have to know what you want, but above all learn to be happy with no one but you.
If you’re okay alone then you’re ready to be with someone else. Because you know that whether it works or not, you’ll be fine and you can still be happy. Because you were before that person came into your life.
Once you know what you want, know your values, the limits you don’t want anyone to cross, then it’s time to choose consciously. Think about whether this person who gives you beautiful words is really who you want to have on your side. Get carried away by the excitement and initial madness, but don’t be fooled. Don’t be filled with expectations and hopes for an unrealistic future. Don’t think “well, over time this will change.” Choose a person for their present, not how you imagine them to be in the future.
Certainly at first you will find yourself very demanding. Many people around you will tell you that if you go that way, you won’t find anyone to be with. But at this point, you know full well that it doesn’t mean anything. Because having someone is not an indispensable condition for being well.
We confuse love with possession, with suffering, with giving everything away… This beautiful feeling has become cloudy and, at times, represents a real torment. We enter relationships giving 100% while the other person gives less than half, and then pretend to change. We’ve tied her up so much that when she pulls away for air to breathe, we’re nervous and alert that we’re going to be left.
Love without pain is possible when we learn to treat our partner as someone independent of us, a person who has entered our life but who may leave or walk away from us. How can a friend or brother do. Our life, our happiness, does not depend on whether or not we have anyone on our side. Because the only person we can count on until the end of our days is only one: ourselves.
