The Importance Of Self-care When Dealing With Difficult People

Discussions, criticism, blackmail, negativity in the environment… When you have to deal with difficult people on a daily basis, mental health is impaired. It is not always possible to keep your distance from them or convince them that they need to do otherwise.

What can we do, then, if we need to live with someone like that at work or even in our own families?

The most important thing is self-care. Sometimes we focus so much on self-defense, on building walls, on creating attack or mere survival strategies, that we forget the most basic thing: well-being.

When we are careless, our mental and emotional energy is consumed more quickly and we reach minimum levels, being completely unprotected.

On the other hand, there is something important about this topic that is worth considering. Sociologist Shira Offer, from the University of Bar-Ilan in Israel, indicates that a good part of these people we call “difficult” are very close to us.

We can, for example, have highly demanding children, or also fathers, mothers and siblings with a difficult personality.

We would like dealing with them to be simpler, for things to flow on their own and for our daily lives to run in a more rewarding way. However, this is not always possible, but that is not why we should resign ourselves to suffering.

There are useful strategies, and most of them go through something essential: starting with ourselves.

What to do when dealing with difficult people

Difficult people can bring out the complexity of their personality in very different ways. There are those who argue for everything, those who shy away from any responsibility and do not cooperate at all, those who spread rumors, and those who live deep in a well of negativity.

However, far beyond their personality, what they do or don’t do, is how their behavior affects us.

There are those who, for example, don’t see any problem in an excessively perfectionist co-worker that colleagues always try to avoid. Each has a limit and a way to manage human complexity.

Therefore, before focusing the problem on the other person, the first step should be to ask yourself exactly what is bothering you about the other person. Is it your lack of respect, your attitude? Is it something that bothers you for a specific reason?

In relation to this topic, Dr. Shira Offer, cited above, conducted a study to demonstrate some interesting points. The first is that dealing with difficult people increases our stress levels.

Little by little, we developed a total and absolute discomfort directed at this figure. We are not sure what we dislike about a person because what we try, at all costs, is to avoid him.

However, and here’s the problem, it’s not always possible to run away from these people. In some cases, we are forced to work or share common scenarios with difficult people.

Second-hand self-care and stress

Researchers Howard Friedman and Ronald Riggio from the University of California conducted a study in which they talked about the impact of secondary stress. What does this term mean and how does it relate to difficult people?

When we are forced to live with complicated, adverse, critical or demanding profiles, this behavior of others always ends up affecting us.

Thus, the mere fact of observing someone stressed, a negative or critical coworker or family member, ends up affecting our own nervous system. This is called secondary stress, and it’s something that leaves marks and damages our health.

Therefore, when dealing with difficult people, it is essential to practice self-care. This daily exercise is like strengthening a mental muscle that will act as a support for these other behaviors.

Among the practices we should devote time and effort to are:

• Take time off when we can not think about these difficult people.
• Learn stress management techniques: deep breathing, Jacobson progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, etc.

Self-care to remember what deserves attention and what doesn’t

We need to quote that old maxim: “Things will affect you as much as you allow them to affect you.” There is a lot of wisdom in this phrase, but it is not always easy to apply it to our immediate reality.

We would love for certain things to affect us less, but when difficult people violate our rights and freedoms, few can maintain peace of mind.

In this case, self-care is also the key. Well-being also involves remembering the need to impose limits, knowing how to protect and defend yourself when necessary.

Well-being is, in turn, knowing how to control our emotions, give importance to what is really important and remove attention from those who do not deserve it.

Having a clear sense of ourselves, remembering our values ​​and needs, staying calm, and developing appropriate emotional intelligence skills can help us better manage many of these often frustrating situations.

In the end, we all have some complicated people in our lives. Let’s learn to manage relationships with them properly in order to live better.