Control Your Anger Before It Controls You
There are times when, just barely, we get out of hand and explode with rage. It could be that we’re feeling extremely tired or more irritable than usual, it could be that we’ve been forced to listen to something we don’t like that makes us mad, or something else makes us overflowing.
How can we control anger?
1. Recognize the causes of annoyance
Each one must explore himself and be aware of what are the things that are not good, that bother and contribute to generate discomfort, the feeling of injustice, disagreement, etc. Anger is always a product of our interpretation of what upsets us.
2. Pay attention to the physical signs that anger gives
We should also keep in mind that we are an organism, and it’s common that when we start to feel upset or angry, our heart races, we feel stomachaches and malaise, and we start noticing that we’re hotter and have a great feeling. internal nervousness.
As we’ve discussed, being angry can range from mild irritation to intense fury or anger. Therefore, the belief that it is better to discharge the anger that appears within us is totally false. If we can identify the first signs, we can cut them off at the root before they get out of hand.
To be able to do this it is necessary to learn certain relaxation exercises such as stopping thoughts or controlling breathing (breathing with a rhythm of 2 or 3 seconds of inspiration and 2 or 3 seconds of exhalation to return to normal). We can also listen to music, exercise, watch TV programs, imagine ourselves in a relaxing landscape, etc.
3. Analyzing our thoughts
It may be that we feel that our thoughts are clouding and becoming accumulated, frustrating any attempt to organize our mind… That’s why it ‘s important to recognize what kind of thoughts we have to face in situations of anger:
- Harmful thoughts are those that come to mind and make us sick before, during, and after. It would be something like “That’s stupid!”, “He’s laughing at me.”, “I hate this place…”, “You’re going to go down!”.
- Mistakes in our way of thinking: Sometimes we tend to take things personally, ignore the positives, be a perfectionist beyond good and see everything from extreme positions.
In this sense, we have to try our best to make our thoughts more balanced, and in this way what “always makes us angry” can turn into “when this happens, sometimes I don’t behave as I would like, but sometimes I do”. We can make a comparative list of the behavior we have and the ones we would like to have to remind ourselves whenever we need to.
4. Controlling our aggressive behaviors
If we can handle our thoughts and the physical signs that precede an angry outburst well, we will be successful in avoiding aggressive behavior. Nevertheless, it is likely that at some point we will lose control, which is why it is important to deal with that moment as well. What to do to control yourself?
- Step One: Identify exactly what each aggressive behavior looks like, what happens before and what happens after. It is recommended to systematically take notes on this.
- Second step: make a list of alternatives, behaviors different from these aggressive behaviors. You can, for example, leave or walk away from the situation until you have calmed down, take a deep breath, try to understand the other side, etc.
- Step Three: Practice alternative behaviors the next time you feel violent or violent.
5. Troubleshooting and trying to get enough rest
Lack of rest and excessive worry can generate an unusual predisposition to irresponsibility and aggressive behavior. That’s why it’s important to be prepared for these situations, analyzing them and looking for solutions.
6. Communicating properly
Sometimes we take things too personally and, as a result, jump to conclusions about other people’s intentions. In this sense, it is important that we improve our social communication and put the following advice into practice:
- It’s important to stop and listen to the other person.
- We must not jump to conclusions. If something sounds offensive we should ask the person to explain, but we shouldn’t fight back.
- We have to try to understand the feelings of others; this often ends up detaching itself from what the person says. Remember that there is no invalid feeling and that we will probably avoid a lot of arguments that way.
- We should try to express how we feel calmly rather than speaking unpleasantly.
