6 Emotionally Appropriate Answers To Give Children

However children are, it is very important to give them emotionally appropriate responses to negative comments they make about themselves.  Especially when they talk about themselves in the first person, they tend to hint at what level of perceived self-confidence they have.

It means to say that we can’t think that everyday comments like “I can’t”, “I’m going to do everything wrong”, “it doesn’t make sense” or “I’ll be embarrassed”, “there’s nothing interesting to do” , they don’t have a cloth of important background that may reflect low self-esteem.

Knowing how to resolve these situations helps us to build healthy affection and a reflective skill that becomes a priority since early childhood. So, considering the importance of never denying a feeling, we can use a series of responses that make them rethink these kinds of harmful statements. Let’s look at some examples:

Emotionally Appropriate Responses for Children

1. “I can’t do this”, the crown jewel

We consider that “I can’t do this” is the crown jewel because the vast majority of people have this incorporated into their inner (sometimes even outer) dialogue since they were little.

This is a wildcard phrase that denotes tiredness, lack of energy, apathy and low self-confidence. We tend to respond with a “yes you can” , sometimes accompanied by horrible reinforcements like “don’t say nonsense”, or “don’t be lazy”.

How can we help them to question that thought and attitude? First, it should be noted that often the best way to do this is to answer with questions like:

• What does “I can’t” mean?
• What proof do you have that you really can’t?
• How do you know you can’t if you don’t try hard enough?
• Do you think saying “I can’t” help you or hurt? Don’t say “I can’t” say “it’s hard but I can do it”.

2. “I don’t feel like it, I won’t do it”

Laziness and disinterest in certain tasks appear as the norm at certain times. It can be nerve-racking, but children need to understand that there are activities they need to do for their own good.

The way to allow them to question themselves is by sending them the following message: don’t say “I don’t feel like it, I won’t do this”, say “I’ll do this, even if I don’t feel like doing it right now”.

In the end, it’s about asking questions like “What would happen if we all did just what we feel like doing all the time? Do we never have to do anything we don’t feel like doing? Have you ever imagined a world where no one strives for anything? Can you imagine if a driver got tired of respecting the traffic rules? Or for a doctor to get tired of healing others?”

These types of questions help them reflect on their unwillingness and encourage them to change their attitude.

3. “I don’t want to do this, I feel ashamed”

Laughing at the shame of others is a very cruel thing. Far from lightening the issue, we encourage it. If we laugh at a feeling that involves a certain degree of suffering, we are mocking emotional nudity. We need to deliver a safety message that makes it clear that it’s not better for anyone to notice, but that people will help you and empathize as a common rule.

4. “I’m tired/sad/upset”

Denying your feelings and your emotional reactions is a serious mistake that the vast majority of us normally make. It’s not surprising, because since we were children, when we were crying, we were told “don’t cry, it’s nothing” . There are emotional expressions that become uncomfortable for most of society, but to deny this is to erase a very important part of both children and adults.

5. Don’t label the child as “clumsy”, “stupid”, “silly”

This does nothing to develop a healthy self-esteem. When a child does something wrong, there are many ways to tell him this: “it’s not right for you to hit your siblings, you don’t have to break toys, you need to work a little harder to study math.”

6. But don’t say you’re “smart”, “nice” or “smart” either

The boy or girl will not understand what your claim is based on referring to him or her in this way. Instead, you can say, “you did the homework very well, you collected everything right, I love watching you paint.” That is, we can judge their behavior, but we must not judge the child.

Let us remember that if we are to reach them, our words must have an appropriate tone, and never represent an attack. Talking to them with affection and with an understanding tone is the basis for good breeding and great learning. Remember that it is in you that they have the psychological reference and are looking for answers, and take the reins of your education as responsibly as possible.