9 Signs Of Psychological Manipulation In Communication

Do not answer. Ironize. Saying you can’t talk to us. Make use of condescension as if we were children. Threatening with ultimatums. Signs of psychological manipulation in communication and language are as varied as they are stressful. It is a form of mental exploitation and emotional abuse that we must learn to recognize.

Licio Gelli was one of the most obscure men in the history of Italy. This agent of the so-called Masonic lodge Propaganda Due was a neo-fascist specialized in manipulating the great masses. Something this sinister man once said is that in order to control someone, you only need to know how to communicate. Language is a weapon and the most perverse strategy for domination,  he pointed out.

We all know this well. We know that in the political sphere, in advertising and in this vast universe that are the mass media, manipulation is almost constantly used to seduce us, influence our decisions and, ultimately, to control us. But  everything gets a little more subtle and complex when we move into the private realm.

We speak, of course, of that reduced, intimate and close scenario that we establish with the most dear people. With our family, partner, friends… The signs of psychological and emotional manipulation flow between us almost constantly, but camouflaged. Furthermore, we can also apply these signals unconsciously. Therefore, it is essential to know how to detect them and react to them.

If language is the clothing of thoughts, let us learn to think more gently. Let’s understand that the important thing is not only to take care of what we say, but also the way we say it.

Signs of psychological manipulation in communication

When we talk about psychological manipulation in communication, what happens first is an imbalance in the relationship. It is using language in favor of oneself, and not only to control the other, but also to hurt.  Because what drives the mechanism of this covert aggression are the most visceral emotions.

Aldous Huxley said that words can be like X-rays. Used in a Machiavellian way, they can cut through everything: the other’s self-esteem, dignity and even identity. So let’s learn to see them come, to understand a little more this dynamic that is so destructive on a personal level.

1. Manipulation of facts

Every specialist in psychological manipulation in communication is a great strategist who distorts the truth. He always puts the truth in his favor, mitigating his share of responsibility to project all the blame onto us. In addition, it makes use of exaggeration and stores important information to further simplify the data and thus ensure that the scale always leans towards its “truth”.

2. He says he can’t talk to you

This sentence is simple, direct and effective. If someone tells us that “you can’t talk to us,” she avoids exactly what she wants: talking about this problem. Thus, it is common for people to tell us that we are too emotional, that we take everything to the extreme and that lately it has been very difficult to communicate with us. She projects what she herself suffers from: communication skills.

3. Intellectual Harassment

The psychological and emotional manipulator also uses another very common communicative strategy. It is intellectual harassment, which is nothing more than  providing us with a huge amount of arguments, information, facts and complicated reasoning to convince us of something through exhaustion and infoxication.

4. Ultimatums and little time to decide

If you don’t accept what I’m proposing, it’s over. I’ll give you until tomorrow for you to think about what I told you. These types of communication strategies are, without a doubt, very painful and distressing. They put us between the cross and the sword, make us anxious and put us in states of great emotional suffering.

It is necessary to understand that those who respect us, those who truly love us, will not make use of these “all or nothing” threats. This is another very common manipulation strategy.

5. Says our name on several occasions during the conversation

When, during a conversation or discussion, someone pronounces our name almost continuously and exaggeratedly, they are executing an intelligent control mechanism. This forces the other person to pay attention and, in turn, enters a continual state of intimidation.

6. Ironies and black humor

Irony and the use of that sense of humor that humiliates, ridicules and devalues ​​us is another of the most recurrent signs of psychological manipulation in communication. The aggressor or manipulator seeks to diminish us and tries to impose his supposed psychological superiority on us.

7. The use of silence or avoidance

I don’t want to talk about it. Now is not a good time. Why touch on this subject?…  This type of dynamic is usually very recurrent in affective relationships, especially if one of the parties lacks communication skills, willingness and sense of responsibility.

8. Appearing ignorance: “I don’t understand what you mean”

This is a very classic tactic, one of looking like you don’t understand what the other person wants you to say or do. It’s playing with the other person, making them see that you overcomplicate things, that it takes the conversation to a level that doesn’t make sense. We are faced with a classic passive-aggressive manipulator strategy, in which he avoids taking responsibility and seeks to make the other suffer.

9. Let you speak first

Among the most fine-tuned signs of psychological manipulation in communication is the one in which someone tries to get us to speak first. With this strategy, he achieves several things. The first thing is to buy time to prepare your arguments, the second is to find our weaknesses.

Likewise, it is common that after listening to us, the emotional manipulator avoids exposing his ideas or opinions. He may limit himself to asking us questions, exploring issues that are anything but helpful in reaching agreement,  seeking to highlight our shortcomings, channeling the problem into its own terrain, and exposing us as clumsy, weak, or exaggerated.

To conclude… it is true that there are many other strategies in terms of psychological and emotional manipulation in the field of human communication, but these are, without a doubt, the most common dynamics. These are forms of intimidation that not only reduce the possibility of establishing effective dialogues, but also serve to subdue the other, incapacitating him at all levels: personal, emotional and mental.

We have to learn to recognize these behaviors.