7 Tips For Raising Independent And Self-assured Children

Educating children who are independent and self-assured requires, above all, knowing when to interfere and when to give them space to acquire their own skills, those that will be established after facing challenges and difficulties. Furthermore, the art of teaching and educating requires large doses of patience, tons of affection and a wise eye that intuits needs.

In the book ‘Raising Independent, Self-Confident Kids’, two child psychiatrists, Wendy Moss and Donald Moses, reflect on the education model that many mothers and fathers apply today.

We have reached a point where one of our priorities is to solve all the problems that our children face. What’s more, on some occasions, we even get ahead of them and make sure they have an easy, rewarding and always calm life. In this way, not only do we give them an apparent and almost magical tranquility, but we also enjoy knowing that everything is in order.

All of this is, without a doubt, understandable and, in most cases, even predictable. Well, it is worth saying that there are those who take this behavior to the extreme. By easing their way each day and in every circumstance, we deprive children of a necessary skill: executive functioning.

Child psychiatrists Wendy Moss and Donald Moses understand executive functioning as the skill set for being responsible for your world, organizing, questioning, learning from your mistakes, and developing self-reliance. So let’s see what strategies we can apply to educate children who are independent and self-assured.

1. Educating independent children: knowing when to interfere and when to guide from afar

Raising a child is like a dance in which, at times, you have to hug and hold and, little by little, allow your freedom of movement. Well, even in the moments when your dance partner can separate to perform their own steps and movements in absolute freedom, the other part is still present, guiding from afar.

Knowing when to act and when to stay away from the children requires, above all, the application of basic rules of coexistence and an area of ​​action where each member at home has their own responsibilities. A responsibility assumed and performed daily grants rights, and it is in this dynamic approved among the members of a family that children can grow up safely and happily, knowing what is expected of them at each moment.

2. The trust

In order to raise independent children, there must be trust, both in ourselves as parents or educators and in the children in themselves. Thus, they grow in an environment where this trust is constantly nurtured, where affection and attention are always accessible, and where there are no fears or barriers when communicating fears and needs; thus, they will have more security and will believe they can do almost anything.

3. Learn to make healthy decisions

What do we understand as a healthy decision? Healthy or enriching decisions are those that allow the child to learn, preparing the way for them to assume responsibilities,  understand that actions have their consequences, and that bad behaviors have an impact on themselves and on their surroundings. Furthermore, it is these decisions that teach that asking for advice is a good thing, and that sometimes the choice you make doesn’t necessarily have to coincide with other people’s opinions.

Likewise, it is necessary to consider that each child has its own personality, tastes, passions, etc. As adults, we cannot intervene in all their decisions and choices, but we can guide and advise.

4. Teach children to take responsibility for the small tasks as well as the big ones

Getting a child to be responsible requires three things: time, patience and affection. In the task of educating, the main enemies are the need to want children to quickly assume a large number of skills and, on some occasions, also our lack of dexterity when it comes to controlling these daily challenges that appear when we least expect it.

One way to make progress is to understand that children are capable of taking responsibility from an early age. At the age of 3, for example, they can already learn to store their toys and even help us with small household tasks such as tidying and clearing the table, watering plants, taking care of pets, etc.

Applying rules, duties and responsibilities as early as possible will allow them to grow up knowing that they can do many of the things they want to do, that taking on responsibilities is synonymous with maturity and that carrying them out successfully strengthens self-esteem.

5. Tolerance to frustration

An essential strategy for educating independent and responsible children is to help them develop patience and the ability to manage the small obstacles in their daily lives. Something that we must not lose sight of is that they have the opportunity to experience and tolerate frustration in order to later become adolescents and adults who are confident of themselves.

Therefore, let us never doubt the power of the word “no” when it is needed. A timely and timely denial has great long-term benefits.

6. Develop self-control

Teaching children to look inside, to navigate and understand their emotional universes, will enable them to better control the problems and challenges of everyday life. To achieve this, there is nothing better than inspiring in them learning and education based on the resources of emotional intelligence.

7. Social skills, the importance of developing social competence in children

Developing children’s social skills will help them build more satisfying relationships, have a more secure self-image, and develop appropriate and enriching social competence. We must also not forget that something as basic as establishing correct empathy and good assertiveness will facilitate the construction of more positive bonds in your surroundings, to avoid dynamics such as bullying and to survive in a healthier way in your social and emotional trajectory.

Finally, in the adventure of educating independent, self-assured and, above all, happy children, we cannot neglect a fundamental aspect: ourselves.  The mother, the father, the grandparents and all social agents that are part of this scenario close to the child, the one who educates with his example, what feeds or invalidates, what gives impulse to the child’s wings or imprisons him in a cage where only indecision, dependence and frustration live.

Let’s do this well, remembering that words leave marks, that affections nourish and that examples show the paths.